I'm laying here awake with a troubled heart. I thought I'd write some of the emotion down. I think it still needs work... I'm not very skilled with rhyme and meter, it seems... at least not together. Comments appreciated, as always.
Lost – Lee A Buckingham, September 1st, 2009
The illusion of this life strangely baffles me
Is it light or darkness that so confounds my sight?
Glaring lights and blurring colors, though seeing, I do not see
I close my eyes, still it swirls, is it phantoms that I fight?
The causes and concerns, clanging like brazen symbols,
A madman's symphony, nonsensical and urgent.
clouding my mind with crashing blows
yet will You stay silent?
Into this darkness comes no sun,
in a vast cave I wander alone
Lost and scared, in a panic I run,
though only into walls of stone.
You said, “hear my words,” but, Lord, I hear no sound...
You said, “follow me,” but, Lord, I cannot see...
This body, this life, this living death in which I am found
is all I know and now consumes me even as its lure I flee
Madly I try to make some sense,
though blind and deaf I lie,
cold and frustrated in the darkness
my will ensures that here I die.
I try to believe that You've made a way
yet still cling sinful doubt and fear
Wisdom I desire, yet is it not that choice you make
when naught lie paths so clear?
Where then, shall I go?
Wait for direction that may not come? Or worse,
choose a way and wander more
when patience was the course.
What is this man that you have made?
As anyone knows himself, I do, yet so confused and lost
I am for what purpose you have laid
upon my life, and for my soul, so great the cost.
So finally, my own desires, so sinful at their root
are naught but worries and fears
The darkness within has driven my thoughts, my words
and clamor falsely in Your ears
Instead I ask that for Your sake, my life, now You keep
until the day even I may finally know
that it has always been your path, so narrow and so steep
upon which You've made me go.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
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Reminds me of Milton's "On His Blindness." You captured the whole tension between moving forward when you're not sure where you're going vs. standing still when you're not sure if that's right, either, really well. I have been struggling with some of that myself this year. -Laura
ReplyDeleteHey Laura,
ReplyDeleteSomehow I didn't see this message when you posted it. I thought you'd like to know that it was, in large part, Milton's sonnets (especially this one) that inspired me to try writing something other than free verse. Actually, the handful of sonnets I've written mimic his form of rhyme, which was somewhat different than the typical A-B-A-B pattern. His writing is so... ... well, its inspiring!